Thursday, April 16, 2015

the dumbest thing ever

How we keep time is the dumbest




Why don't they just leave them the same??!!

Supposedly, this stupid nonsense is because "am" stands for "ante meridiem" and "pm" stands for "post meridiem" or "post mid-day". It's even stupider that "post meridiem" actually occurs around 11 in the "am" during daylight savings time. So for 7 out of the 12 months of the year (during DST), I think we may as well switch it to ...8am, 9am, 10am, 11pm, 12pm.

If you're not going to use numbers right, just get rid of em.

So stupid.

You're welcome.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

the birds and the bees

Since I posted about bee semen earlier, I think it's only appropriate that I post about bird fucking as well. Specifically, it's mostly about bird penises (or lack thereof). Basically, some male birds have penises and some don't. Now scientists are trying to find out why. I'm just going to quote the article a few times, mostly out of context.
To see if Bmp was the cause of the penises’ disappearance, the scientists loaded beads with Bmp proteins and implanted them in the genital tubercles of ducks. Instead of growing normally, their penises ended up as withered vestiges.
Wow. That's pretty harsh: a withered vestige. That would be such a mean joke to play on someone. But then this happend:
The scientists then performed the opposite experiment. They loaded beads with a protein called Noggin, which blocks Bmp proteins. When they inserted the Noggin-laced beads into the tubercles of roosters, the cells stopped dying. Instead, the tubercle continued to grow. After tens of millions of years, the scientists had resurrected the bird penis, if only briefly.
At first I thought the rooster would be would be as grateful as the duck was disappointed, but it sounds like the miracle penis didn't stick around for long. It would be kind of like if Jesus cured a blind person, but it only lasted for a few minutes... and then the guy went back to being blind.

But I think my favorite quote might be this one:
“Evolution has likely come up with more than one way to lose the penis,” wrote Dr. Brennan, the University of Massachusetts bird genitalia expert, in an accompanying commentary.
Good to know. Maybe it's me, but he she (of course it's a woman) sounds genuinely impressed that nature can find all sorts of ways to get rid of penises, as if that's the ultimate goal of the natural realm. Anyhoos, I'm sure your other insights on penis devolution are as interesting as your business cards, Dr. Brennan, Bird Genitalia Expert.

You're welcome.

working hard or...

Hard, tedious work is never a joy while you're in the midst of it, but there are times when you sit back and see that it's worthwhile. Back in the day when the Hebrew slaves were building the pyramids, I'll bet there at least a time or two when one slave turned to the other and said, "It sure sucks being a slave and all... but you've got to admit..." and then point around at the pyramids and continue, "Pretty impressive, no?"

You're welcome.

this is a thing

Because I haven't posted about bee semen in a while.

You're welcome

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

who killed magic?

Notice how basically all magicians are men? Ever wonder why that is? Eugenics-- that's why. Remember the Salem witch trials?

You're welcome.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012


So the elevator at work has a TV screen that shows various news items and trivia. There's been a bit of a heat wave in DC, so they like to flash the five day forecast as often as possible. When it is in the 80's or 90's they show an icon of the sun. When it gets to be over 100... they replace the sun with the word "hot" written in red capital letters. I guess the sun just isn't hot enough for whoever made that.

You're welcome

Sunday, June 3, 2012

scale technology

So I just bought a new digital scale. It's the first time I've ever bought a bathroom scale, so it's kind of a big deal. Anyhoos-- it's pretty fancy; it measures body fat and water % and a couple of other things by shooting a tiny bolt of electricity through your body. (I guess you should be sure to not drink a glass of WATER while you're using it so you don't get ELECTROCUTED!)

At any rate... if the scientists can make a scale that measures how much water you drink, then I think they should account for something else. What if something like this happens?

Say you're weighing yourself on the scale and all of a sudden you have to go number two... so you just go while you're standing on the scale. Would the scale be able to tell that was happening? Probably, if all of it landed on the scale. Maybe they could program the scale to say something clever like, "Impressive" or "Nice one, sir." 

Now how about this: What if not all of the poop lands on the scale? Then you'd have a different weight before and after you stepped on the scale. I'll bet they could make a scale that could tell when that happens. Maybe then the scale could say something really wacky, like a sarcastic, "Nice aim, Captain Bullseye." 

My apologies to Jules Verne if an idea like this has peeked it's turtle-like head out of its shell before... otherwise,

You're welcome.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

space shuttle

So the space shuttle has been flying around DC this morning. Sort of. The experience is kind of hampered by the fact that it's ATTACHED TO A PLANE. I mean, just about anything can fly if you strap it on top of an airplane, right? I'm probably more impressed by the plane since it is able to carry a space shuttle."Hey! Did you guys see the airplane this morning? The one that can carry a 200,000 lb. SPACE SHUTTLE on its roof?" Oh well. Some things just go under-appreciated.

Anyhoos- the whole experience got me thinking-- why do people get excited to see the space shuttle? I think it boils down to this: the space shuttle is kind of a hero amongst machines due to the fact that it's been in space. Well try this one on for size: All of EARTH is in space!!!

 You're welcome.