Tuesday, January 27, 2009

you missed the point...

So our good old buddy, Sarah Palin, started a new website: SarahPAC. It's basically set up to kick-start her run for pres in 2012. Being the political junkie that I am, I rushed over to the site to see if I could stumble upon any whack-tasty goodness to make fun of. Unfortunately, all I came across was this screenshot under the "About Sarah" tab:



It's pretty small, so lets zoom in:


I was hoping to find comedy gold, but all I could find was this measly little punctuation error at the end of a sentence. It doesn't really surprise me though. After all-- it is the Palins, and they're constantly missing periods.

You're welcome.

just a sec...

Miller High Life, the "champagne of beer," is running a series of one-second ads during the Superbowl. From the press release:
“Just like our consumers, High Life strives to make smart choices. One second should be plenty of time to remind viewers that Miller High Life is common sense in a bottle.”
I can assure you, it is not.

You're welcome.

Monday, January 26, 2009

poll results!!!

In what must be one of the most scientific polls ever conducted, the "have you ever used an entire thingy of chapstick" poll has finally closed. The results? An astounding one person(!!!!) undertook a great deal of time and effort (clicking a fucking button), and actually voted in the poll. The result? An overwhelming 100% win for the "no" team. That said, "yours truly" (a.k.a me) voted in the poll, which means that I may as well have not spent the time and effort creating the poll in the first place and just left it at, "Hey everyone-- I've never used an entire thingy of chapstick. End of story."

And to add some salt to the wound... I saw one of my friends using chapstick this weekend and asked if he had ever run out. As it turns out-- yes, he regularly uses the entire stick and is a real chapstick afficianado. So, fuck me.

Anyhoos- This raises an interesting question: Who is reading "a babbling brook of bullshit?" The short answer is, "who cares?" But for now, I'll just assume that I have thousands upon thousands of dedicated followers who also happen to be the absolute laziest people on the planet.

You're welcome.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

re: new idea

So I decided to google "soupsicle" to see if anyone sells them. Instead, I got distracted by this:


... which led me to this:


Now I just want to play a mean joke on some kids.

You're welcome.

new idea

If you're like me, you really like soup. It's kind of a hassle to make and all that, though. So I've come up with a new idea:

Soup-sicles.

Basically, you freeze soup and eat it on a stick.

I think ham and beans (with bacon) would be a good enough start.

You're welcome.

Friday, January 16, 2009

chapstick

I got to thinking yesterday and don't recall EVER having used an entire stick of Chapstick. I either lose it, send it through the washing machine or leave it in the car where it gets all soggy. I mentioned this to my co-worker and he couldn't recall using an entire stick either.

So I'm creating a simple poll to see if anyone has (see sidebar).

You're welcome.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

speechless

This one is very short (22 seconds), but certainly has a happy ending.


You're welcome

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

this week in cats

First off-- for readers of my old blog, I'm not doing the whole "angry preacher" thing for TWIC anymore. Sorry-- it just took too long to write. Plus, this shit just writes itself-- plain and simple commentary is good enough. That said.. on with the show:

Can't take the heat? Then get out of the kitchen!

Can't take the cold? Then make yourself a sweater out of cat hair!

That's exactly what this lady does. Well... she actually just makes cat hair handbags, but that's close enough in my book. The following video explains how/why this is done. It is as creepy as it is both charming/interesting:



Three reasons/quotes to watch this:

1:10- "First the cat is thoroughly washed-- some like it, some don't-- and then given a blow#@$." (You'll have to watch to see what the three-letter, blanked-out word is.)

2:10- "Once the time comes to have Charlie put to sleep, I'll have a little piece of him left behind." (I love how she's already convinced that Charlie will be put to sleep-- no if's, and's or but's about it. "I've already got my little cat handbag, so at the very first sign of disease, he's goin' to the vet!!)

2:20- "smelly cat"

Meow-halo.

the NYT is destroying America!

This little table concerning the Super Bowl was recently featured in the New York Times (Via SLOG) :

Study the table for a second and tell me if you see anything funny. First off, I'm no biologist, but one could make a pretty sound argument that the "Dolphins" could be filed under "other animals" and not just, plain "other." Secondly, why are Giants and Titans listed as "mythical figures" but the Saints are not? Finally, "Bears" should get split in two-- one side going to "other animals", the other needs to go to "humans."

You're welcome.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

all good things...

So I was driving around looking for a new bookshelf when I pulled in to a familiar parking lot only to learn some devastating news:



I think it's only fitting that as one stupid/unnecessary thing begins (this blog), so another one ends. That's right, National Wholesale Liquidators is going out of business. For those of you unfamiliar with said store, just imagine one of those Dollar General stores that sells cheap imported crap with poorly-translated product descriptions. Now imagine that same store sells clothes and furniture as well. Want to be a "Super Fire Protector" (fireman) for Halloween? That'll cost you $4.99 (and mild skin irritation). Just bought a new PC and need a place to put it? Go ahead and plop down $50 for a brand-new "komputer desk."

To answer your question: "Yes, I bought both of those items. And several other things to boot throughout the years." While NWL was certainly lacking in quality and customer service, it more than made up for it with charm. I'm genuinely sad to see it closing its doors. I plopped out my camera phone in an attempt to eulogize a dear friend.


The sign says, "the brands you want at prices you can afford." I think there may be something lost in translation there, because the sign should actually read, "brands you've never heard of at prices randomly determined by our 1979 price tag sticker machine."

They also tested the theory of supply & demand to its absolute limit. In that, I mean that they sold by things that have virtually no demand whatsoever at extremely low prices. Furthermore, buying in bulk allowed them to sell a whole bunch of shit nobody wants at an even unimaginably lower price. Case in point (a.k.a. "doing stupid shit like this is exactly why they're going out of business"):



That's approx. 500 copies of Oz, Season 2 on VHS for $0.99 each. There were four more shelves with more or less the same quantity of said video. Seriously-- are there that many people in the world that would buy Oz, Season 2 on VHS? Let alone in the DC metro area? And do they all shop at NWL? I don't think so. That said, there's certainly a "why not?" angle to the whole ordeal. "Hmmmm... if I skip the extra Junior Bacon Cheeseburger at Wendy's I can gain the ability to watch 5-8 prison rape scenes until the tape wears out. Sold!"

Anyhoos-- this was one of the more desirable things left to purchase during their big liquidation sale. If you're looking for a green mop handle or some size 82 Bugle Boy jeans, there may be time yet.

OK. I'm tired of writing.

You're welcome.