This being one of the last weeks in August, many of you will hear numerous people utter the sentence, "Well, I guess Summer's officially over." (Or something very close to that.) Knowing how calendar-savvy my readers are, I've prepared a speech you can deliver so as to correct these poor, misinformed souls:
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[the following should be shouted intensely]:
NO!
NO!
NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!
No. No. No!!!
Summer is NOT "officially" over yet, you stupid piece of dog shit!! Look at a fucking calendar!! Summer ends in late September! LATE September!!! Not the day after Labor Day. Not the first day it's under 70 degrees outside! LATE. SEPTEMBER!!!! (You're dumber than donkey shit, you know.) I'll bet you're also one of those people who thinks that Winter ends the week after Christmas. Wrong again!! Wrong a-fucking-gain!! The reason it stays really cold until the middle of March is because IT'S STILL FUCKING WINTER THEN!!! And, right now, it's still mother-fucking summer! RIGHT NOW!!! RIGHT! FUCKING! NOW!!! In fact, we still have a whole MONTH of summer left-- SO FUCKING ENJOY IT!!! What a fucking idiot you are!
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So yeah! Print that out and carry it around in your wallet or whatever. I've found that's it's useful to carry two copies: One regular one... and one with some of the profanity marked out (for an audience consisting of people under the age of 8.)
Sorry to get so emotional. I just don't like it when people short-change my 3rd-favorite season.
You're welcome.
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