when you've got to go

If you get in a bind and need to use the restroom in public, try going to a pharmacy.  Here is a script you can use:

You: Can I use your restroom?  It's an emergency!

Pharmacy Employee: I'm sorry... it's not for customers.

You: Then what aisle do you keep the Depends?

Alternate script:

You: Can I use your restroom?  It's an emergency!

Pharmacy Employee: It's right over there.  I'm happy I could help!

You: Wait!  Which is closer: the restroom or the Depends?

PE: I... I guess they're both about the same distance... but you--

You: It's too late!!!!  (sobs)

You're welcome.