In what must be one of the most scientific polls ever conducted, the "have you ever used an entire thingy of chapstick" poll has finally closed. The results? An astounding one person(!!!!) undertook a great deal of time and effort (clicking a fucking button), and actually voted in the poll. The result? An overwhelming 100% win for the "no" team. That said, "yours truly" (a.k.a me) voted in the poll, which means that I may as well have not spent the time and effort creating the poll in the first place and just left it at, "Hey everyone-- I've never used an entire thingy of chapstick. End of story."
And to add some salt to the wound... I saw one of my friends using chapstick this weekend and asked if he had ever run out. As it turns out-- yes, he regularly uses the entire stick and is a real chapstick afficianado. So, fuck me.
Anyhoos- This raises an interesting question: Who is reading "a babbling brook of bullshit?" The short answer is, "who cares?" But for now, I'll just assume that I have thousands upon thousands of dedicated followers who also happen to be the absolute laziest people on the planet.